What is a real man? What qualities should he possess? Men are constantly being bombarded with society’s definitions of what true manliness is. It used to be that men were born and raised as warriors and that was their primary focus. They lived and breathed that warrior code, and they had pure testosterone and liquid fire running through their veins.
Characters like William Wallace of Braveheart, or Aragorn from The Lord of the Rings come to mind. Wow, those guys were real men! They fought hard, believed in something, loved well, and despite their weaknesses, they overcame anything that stood in their path! Well, that way of life has been long forgotten, and been with convenient complacency. What does is look like to awaken this warrior spirit in the hearts of men today? Where is the code of manhood that was so clear to men back then?
This is a list of 100 things I have learned over the past four years about what true manhood is, and what a real man looks like. These are born out of hard, painful lessons, and while none of us, me included, live these out every moment, this is what I strive to become more and more. Hope it stirs something inside you…
A Real Man…
- Is honest
- Keeps his promises
- Prays
- Loves with abandon
- Shares his heart with his wife
- Isn’t afraid to show emotion
- Doesn’t find his sense of worth in a job or career
- Puts his wife’s and children’s needs before his own
- Doesn’t require his family to sacrifice before him
- Provides for his family
- Doesn’t lie
- Doesn’t look at pornography
- Doesn’t seek approval from other women
- Loves himself enough to get help
- Admits when he’s wrong
- Isn’t afraid of the dark
- Isn’t afraid of his wife’s needs
- Is tender, kind, and sensitive to feelings
- Listens to and hears his wife’s heart
- Isn’t lazy, and doesn’t lie around procrastinating
- Works hard
- Expresses love in every way, not just the ones he feels like doing
- Treats his wife like a queen
- Doesn’t care whether or not he’s “respected” because he’s too busy serving his wife and kids
- Hugs and kisses his wife “just because” without expectation
- Honors and cherishes his own wife
- Lays his life down for his wife and children
- Seeks to become more like Christ every day
- Doesn’t cheat or steal
- Speaks and lives life and blessing to his family
- Goes out of his way to make sure his wife feels like the only woman in the world
- Loves extravagantly
- Takes care of himself
- Is trustworthy
- Treats his wife’s friends and family with honor and respect
- Is humble, and doesn’t “require” people to acknowledge it
- Doesn’t allow sin or addiction to control him
- Doesn’t resist when he needs to change
- Goes to counseling
- Doesn’t hide his true feelings
- Knows it’s not all about him
- Makes it all about his wife first, then his kids
- Takes responsibility
- Initiates healing for his wife’s past hurts
- Accepts criticism gracefully
- Is patient and gentle
- Doesn’t fly off the handle in anger
- Strengthens, validates, and encourages his wife
- Understands that being the “head” has nothing to do with position or authority
- Nurtures and cares for his wife and children
- Speaks life into his wife and children
- Gives and serves
- Doesn’t demand respect and admiration
- Goes to any length to protect and bring security to his wife’s heart
- He embodies the Word and teaches by example instead of words
- Is secure in Christ and finds his Source of Strength in Him alone
- Owns his issues, and doesn’t blame others
- Asks for forgiveness
- Leaves his father and mother
- Is not afraid of “bonding” with his wife
- Doesn’t seek his own “independence”
- Doesn’t hire a housekeeping service instead of helping his wife himself
- Doesn’t make his wife “do” the finances
- Doesn’t EVER lay in bed waiting for his wife to finish with the kids and housework
- Becomes the Love of Christ to his wife
- Answers all of his wife’s questions without hesitation
- Doesn’t squash his wife’s or children’s dreams
- Supports his wife
- Isn’t crafty and doesn’t scheme
- Doesn’t manipulate others for his own gain
- Never makes promises he can’t keep
- Doesn’t only fight when he knows he can win
- Defends his wife’s honor (even if it makes him look bad)
- Helps his kids feel secure by loving his wife in front of them
- Does what his wife asks the first time, every time
- Is in it for the long haul and isn’t afraid of committing
- Does not abuse his wife
- Does not teach what he can’t do
- Doesn’t require his wife to “go first”, he meets her needs, without condition
- Doesn’t say “I love you” just to hear her say it back
- Listens to correction and applies it
- Shows that he values and treasures his wife above any other relationship in the world
- Is romantic
- Treats his children with honor and listens to their hearts
- Does the dishes, the laundry, and yes, even cleans the toilets
- Doesn’t whine and complain
- Isn’t afraid to be “weak”
- Needs his wife
- Doesn’t commit adultery or have affairs
- Doesn’t speak down to his wife, or treat her as “beneath him”
- Works as a team
- Initiates fun and play in his marriage and family
- Takes responsibility for the financial health of his family
- Never makes family decisions alone
- Never beats his wife or children
- Always lets his wife know where he is, who he’s with and if he’s going to be late
- Takes responsibility for the spiritual health of his wife and children
- Doesn’t EVER treat any other woman (including his mother) better than his wife
- Doesn’t require his wife to be “available” for sex when he’s not meeting her needs
- Allows God to love him